Case #1- Elizabeth Wholesale MLB Baseball Jerseys , a 40 year old homemaker was always feeling angry and ?used? by her family, constantly saying that everybody took advantage of her. She felt that she worked like a slave but her family showed no appreciation or acknowledgement of her many efforts.
Case #2- Bill, a 34 year old husband complained that his critical wife was always angry at him.
He spent his life trying to cope with her outrages which often escalated him into defensive anger which didn't happen anywhere but in this relationship.
Case #3- Betty, a 42 year separated mother struggled with her soon to be ex-husband's contempt and disrespect every time she angrily called him to discuss details of their divorce. These three cases bring up the question often asked by participants in our anger management classes: Is it possible to control how family members treat us? The short answer is ?no? ? but often we can teach them to treat us better!
Believe it or not, we are constantly teaching our family how to treat us? both by our responses to their behavior Wholesale Baseball Jerseys , and by the behavior we display to them which they react to. In our case examples:
- By automatically doing whatever her husband and children requested, Elizabeth was 'teaching? them that there are almost no limits to what she would do for them.
- With his behavior, Bill was actually teaching his wife that the way to get attention from him (even if it was negative attention) was for her to create drama.
- Betty was so intimidated by her husband, that her defensive ?attitude? was 'teaching? him that to deal with her, he had to push back with the contempt and disrespect that he constantly showed her.
The dance of anger
Our interchange with family members is often like a carefully choreographed dance. They make a move. You make a move in response to their move. They then respond to what you said or did and ?well Wholesale MLB Jerseys Cheap , you get the idea!
How do you change the dance? Start by seeing yourself as a teacher?of how you would like your family to treat you.
Four ways to change what you teach others
1. Try a softer start-up. Marital research shows that the first few seconds of an interaction can predict the final outcome of the encounter. Try being softer, more polite, more respectful, less hostile, or more empathetic?and see how this change in your approach actually teaches others to respond better to you.
2. Take a time-out before dealing with the conflict or situation. Conflicting or arguing family members often work themselves up to a point at which problem solving is impossible.
The solution is to retreat and give yourself time to calm down and think things over. This takes at least 20 minutes Wholesale MLB Jerseys Online , often much longer. Before taking your time out, it is important to tell the other person that you will commit to returning soon to deal with the conflict, after you are calmer'then be sure to do it!
3. Acknowledge that you see how they must be seeing the situation. Called ?empathy,? this response on your part teaches others that you care about their feelings and viewpoints, and opinions.
Acknowledgement doesn't mean that you necessarily agree with their viewpoint ?only that you see it. Sometimes Wholesale MLB Jerseys Free Shipping , your family needs to know that you care about them and respect their opinions before they listen to what you say.
4. Set limits and boundaries for your family members. Limits and boundaries are basically rules regarding acceptable behaviors toward you as well as what you are willing or not willing to do.
If you feel others are taking advantage of you, ask yourself what you may be doing ( or not doing )to give the message it is ?ok? for them to do whatever they are doing. Often you can change their behavior toward you by teaching them different rules of being with you. The easiest way to do this is simply to respond differently yourself. For instance, they make you the core of a nasty joke. Being a nice person, you pretend it doesn't bother you (even though it does), so you laugh with everybody else. As an alternative Wholesale MLB Jerseys From China , try not laughing with them, which is a way of teaching them that they have crossed a boundary with you.
2005 ? Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved.
Who would not want to have fond memories of their wedding day preserved till eternity?聽 Of course, everyone would.聽 Charleston Snapped, Wedding photographers Charleston, SC would bring life into the photographs and capture the most delightful and memorable moments through their cameras.聽 Probably it would be an understatement to say that Charleston Snapped brings life to the pictures because they do more than that and perhaps they stall the time there.聽 Yes Wholesale MLB Jerseys China , that is what we feel when we look back at those pictures at a later point of time in our lives.
Marriage is a distinct and a special event in each one of our lives and we go to any extent to make it absolutely memorable.聽 And one such effort is getting the photos clicked by Charleston Snapped, professional Charleston wedding photographers.聽 You can get professional services at Charleston Snapped that offer full service for wedding photography.聽 These Charleston photographers can offer you a photography package that will聽 fit all your needs.
Uncompromising on quality, the Charleston Snapped, Charleston photographers promise to offer affordable services too.聽 They are professional Charleston Photographers specializing in wedding photography, senior photography Wholesale MLB Jerseys , engagement photography, headshot photography, portrait photography, destination weddings photography, beach photography Wholesale Jerseys Cheap , event photography, family photography, and modeling photography.聽聽 In addition to these services they also specialize in children鈥檚 portraits, graduate portraits, engagement portraits and maternity portraits.