Dein erstes Forum » 3. Is a value being violated?

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Emotional Response Primer Self Help Articles | November 13, 2003
Have a good ... response lately? Is there someone who makes you see red every time you're with them? Do you replay ... over and over Starling Marte Pirates Jersey , getting upset or angry each time you do? You're no


Have a good emotional response lately? Is there someone who
makes you see red every time you're with them? Do you
replay conversations over and over, getting upset or angry
each time you do? You're not alone. Everyone I know does
this. How frequently it happens, and how we handle these
situations when it does, is a good indication of where we
are on our spiritual path.

When we accept total responsibility for our lives Kent Tekulve Pirates Jersey , we begin
to understand that we create these situations, and we
create them for a reason. While we cannot control the
actions or behaviors of others, we can control our
emotional response. With that perspective in mind, we start
to look at these situations as the opportunities for growth
and change that they really are.

Here are some simple questions to ask yourself when you find
yourself responding emotionally in a way that you don't
like. One of these questions (sometimes two!) will probably
allow you to release the emotional response and get on with
your life.

1. Is it them?

What if whatever the person said or did that pushed your
button wasn't about you Roberto Clemente Pirates Jersey , but about them? What would that
mean? Sometimes we play a role for others in their
development, offering them an opportunity to grow and
change. If we ask these questions, how does the answer leave
us feeling? Does seeing that whatever happened is a
reflection of them and not us help?

Feel calmer? Send a prayer to bless and release the other
person, providing them support to work through their issue Willie Stargell Pirates Jersey ,
but in a way that does not involve you emotionally.

2. Are they a mirror?

What action or behavior of the other person reminds you of
you, of an action or behavior that you don't like or are
ashamed of? Can you recognize yourself at all in the other
person's behavior? When we are uncomfortable about a
behavior, we sometimes ask (unconsciously, of course)
someone to mirror that behavior to keep us in check. Seeing
someone else take selfishness to the extreme serves as a
good reminder to us to keep that occasional selfish act at
bay. The problem is twofold. One Francisco Cervelli Youth Jersey , on a scale of 1 to 100, we
tend to perform the problem behavior on a 5 or 10, but we
ask someone who operates on a 90 or 95 to be our mirror.
Second, we forget that we asked them to be our mirror and we
get lost in the injustice of their behavior. Do you see a
connection? Be brutally honest with this one.

Feel calmer? Write a postcard to the other person. You
won't send it Dave Parker Youth Jersey , you'll burn it. In the postcard, release
the person from the contract. Thank them for providing the
service, but tell them you no longer need it as you are now
aware of the issue. You now understand that you do not have
to keep yourself in check the way you thought you did. When
you burn the postcard, do a prayer to bless and release
both of you to proceed forward with your lives Barry Bonds Youth Jersey , either
separately or together in a healthy, happy way.

3. Is a value being violated?

Very often our deepest emotional responses come when one of
our values is being violated. This is actually one of the
clues to help you identify yo